Holy Night: Santa's Gonna Fuck You Up
Well it's that time of year (or maybe not) where the lonely people get lonelier and
department stores suck the last bit of money from our pockets that the
government haven't gotten to yet. Since everyone on the internet already
planned on doing something spewed with holiday spirit once the
Thanksgiving turkey digested, I might as well follow the ranting crowd
and soon found something that you may regret reading. For this week's
Manga Management we look at a horrifying Christmas tale other than the
creation of a Killer Santa Clause played by a wrestler. This one is
called Holy Night by Shintaro Kago. It's a short horror one-shot manga
by an artist that's very notorious for his "creative" images. I assure
you that this shit beats any psycho killer snowman when the story
circles around a very generous Santa Claus. But I digress. Let's get HO
HO Horrible with Holy Night. (By the way, because this one has some
adult content, I will be using black bars if I have to. Sorry boys.)
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| The government try to use a giant chimney to store the presents in, but they forgot the milk and cookies to go with it. |
The basic premiss of this one-shot is apparently Santa is either very
generous or he's very pissed off with Japan making more money for toys
than his elf-made creations. This all seems well and dandy to get more
and more presents, but soon the presents pile up and even crush people
leaving the hospitals full of injured people and even death. The
government tries anything to stop the craze fatass from a self defense
force of jet pilots trying to shoot him down to a giant stocking to fill
up the presents until he runs out. No matter what they try, people are
continuously get more and more gifts and if Santa thinks you're not
using your gifts or are happy with them, he brings more until you're
crushed by a sea of Xbox video games. You know, 'cause it's Christmas!
We circle in on one girl named Nobuko, who wanted a boyfriend for
Christmas, but instead got a sea of vibrators and dildos. To be honest,
this just sounds like a dream for Paris Hilton. A chance for her to swim
in a sea of cocks? What skanky and ditzy blond wouldn't want that? But
maybe Santa is a pervert. I mean he sees you when you're sleeping, he
knows when you're awake. What the fuck is he doing at that time he
watching you? The only thing Nobuko and her older sister can think of is
by using every single one of them and make it look like she likes them.
Next door to them, a guy is having sort of the same issue where Santa
gave him a bunch of porn magazines to jerk off to. The older sister gets
an idea that if her younger sister and the other guy have sex, then
there would be less presents. Let's just pretend everyone is of age here
and we won't have to keep calling the Japanese perverts, agreed?
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| I really prefer not to go into much detail about this image. I also suggest never to look at it for more than 10 minutes for fear of mental scarring and temporary blindness. |
With the city being covered in a sea of presents and people possibly
dying and being crushed to death, at least two people who just had sex
are getting closer together...because they had sex. Really. Nothing else
came from this (that's what she said. Yeah I put this there 'cause I
knew someone would say it). Anyway, because they had sex and now realize
that they love each other, although I'm sure they bare;y know each
other since they're just neighbors, the gifts have stopped coming in and
can relax in bed while the rest of the city is destroyed. At the end, I
don't really get the present that Santa sent nor do I want to know how
the hell that can be made by elves. While the presents do decrease,
presents like lube and condoms, there's one that emits a bad smell and a
troubling aura. I can't really explain where they were going for this
last image so I'll just show you. The manga is short so it's not like it
will take much time away from your last minute Christmas shopping. The
author for this is Shintaro Kago, someone whose one-shots usually
involve some weird or twisted realities that just scream "I'm not taking
anything, but I'm definitely on something". His stuff I can't really
say is harmless, but it's something twisted yet a little interesting. He
mostly goes for the most awkward and uncomfortable situations
imaginable. One story involving a teenage girl fad called harakiri,
where people would cut their stomachs and show of their intestines. So
you see teenage girls, if you can't lose weight by throwing up, you a
big ass knife and cut the weight of (Note: I don't really indorse
neither eating disorders or cutting. If you really by my sarcasm then
please exit from this page right now). Anyway, for my rating, I give it 1
out of 5 candy canes. It's not like it's a horrible read...oh wait yes
it is. But it's nothing more than a twisted one-shot and with one-shots
you got to have something memorable. It's just one of those stores
that's not for everyone. So until next time, this is Minaku the Otaku
saying don't fuck with the red guy.
